On the night that I told my parents about it, I most definitely hadn't planned on them ever finding out. Its was my best friends 21st Birthday and we had a house party at our flat and had friends over and I may have drank a little bit too much and ended up getting emotional.

 In the months leading up to that night I had been really down and was at university feeling home sick. I was stressing over my university work and my grandma had recently had a stroke so I was also worried about that and everything was just getting on top of me so I thought being at the party would give me a break from it. This didn't happen because I had already been emotional all day and I now know me and alcohol should not mix if I have been having a down day because it just impacts my mood in a negative way.

I was really paranoid all night about how I looked because I thought I had gained weight again. I was getting paranoid people were talking about me so I kept going off to my room and then coming back out to find everyone was starting to leave the party to go out to the night club and nobody had checked to see if I was there because they were all drunk and then because I was drunk I got upset about it and locked myself in my room and phoned my mum to tell her I wanted to come home (I shouldn't have phoned her because by this point she would have been asleep for a few hours, but I'm glad I did other wise it could still be a secret now). 

She answered the phone and I can't describe it in any other words than I just broke down. I felt like I couldn't breathe and was having a panic attack. I could hardly speak through my tears and she just kept asking me what was wrong and I was just saying I want to come home, and told her about being down and said that I was getting jealous of other people and she was asking me why and I said because they're all skinnier than me and then after that the words just fell out of my mouth and I told her about how I had been making myself sick and starving myself and she asked how long and she was crying and I just kept repeating myself saying "please don't be mad." and she said she wasn't but asked how long again so I told her for as long as I can remember and we just cried.

She told me to go get my flat mate (because she was one of the people I had already told) whilst she woke my dad up and told him. She phoned me back and she said he wanted to talk to me and again I kept saying "tell him not to be mad." before I would agree to talk to him. He got on the phone with me and told me he loved me and he cried and that was hard for me to hear because I hadn't heard/seen my dad cry since my Grandad died. 

After that my mum spoke to my flat mate about it and then she got me back on the phone and told me she would come to pick me up first thing in the morning and bring me home. She said she loved me and then hung up.

I spent a while with my flat mate crying on her and saying I wished I hadn't said anything and she told me it was a good thing and that I needed to do it and then after all the crying I was really exhausted so set an alarm for the morning and went to sleep.

The morning after was horrible! I was so nervous about actually seeing my mum because I knew I would cry straight away. My flat mate got up and sat with me whilst I waited for her and then the door went and I couldn't get up to answer it because I was that upset so my flat mate answered it and when my mum walked in I could tell she had already been crying on the way and I just broke down again and hugged her and we both cried together and she said she was going to get me help.

The next few weeks after that were the most difficult of my life. I had to have meetings with the university, doctors appointments, hospital appointments, I had to tell other members of my family and some of my friends and I felt like I was constantly being watched and I regretted telling anyone but now two years later I'm so thankful that I did get that drunk and that I did pick up that phone because if I hadn't who knows how poorly I could be now.