Sorry I haven't updated this blog in a while. Im off to Amsterdam in a few hours so thought I would put this post on before I go to try give some tips on dealing with your eating disorder during the festive period.

Christmas is probably one of my favourite times of the year however when you have an eating disorder/are recovering from an eating disorder it can also be a time full of anxiety as you are more than likely going to be surrounded by food and not only food but having meals in a social situation. Here are a few tips that will hopefully help you relax and enjoy the time you're spending with your family…

1. Be honest with somebody- If you know this is going to be a difficult time for you to deal with, please tell somebody you trust so they can support you through it. If you suffer in silence its more likely to make things worse as you'll just be keeping everything inside your own head. If you don't feel comfortable telling somebody you actually know then reach out to somebody online. I never realised how much support you could get just from strangers on instagram who are dealing with the same things as you are. If you reach out to somebody this way it could be helpful to both of you as you help each other through it and this could last not only for the christmas period but right through your recovery.

2. Think of a distraction for after your meal- I personally have my christmas dinner surrounded by family including grandparents, cousins, auntys and uncles so there is always a conversation flowing at the table through out the meal which is helpful as it helps to dull down the thoughts in my head. As somebody who has bulimia it is usually the thoughts after the meal that affect me the most and because of this I have learnt to distract myself. An example of this would be that once the table has been cleared I will gather my family together so that we can play a game that one of us may have got as a present. This stops me from running off to the toilet to purge and also keeps my mind off the toxic thoughts that may have been there before.

3. Don't think that everyone is watching you- Again this is something that I worry about as my family are aware of my eating disorder so when ever we all eat together I get paranoid that they're watching how much I eat but this is a pointless thought. Yes some of them may be watching out for me but most of the time they're probably thinking about when they can get their second servings haha. I have found that the paranoia about people watching you eat gets easier the more you do it in your recovery process.

4. Don't beat yourself up- If you had chocolate after your meal when you told yourself you wouldn't, or if you're in the recovery process and told yourself you'd finish your meal but don't manage to do it, don't keep worrying about it. Just enjoy the time you're spending with your loved ones.

5. Plan out the day- If you are a super anxious person and you know that having a plan in place will ease your anxiety then go ahead and do it. If you decide on an eating plan before the day itself then you will have time to process what your going to be eating and be able to put actions into place to help you through it.

6. ENJOY YOUR DAY!! - I know its a lot easier said than done but for me (and many of you I'm sure) I have let my eating disorder take way too much from me already and this is the first year my recovery has been a priority for me and I'm going to make sure I enjoy the day surrounded by my loved ones.

I should be uploading another post to this blog before christmas which will be my monthly update for november but just in case i don't manage to do it I hope you all have a lovely Christmas where ever you are and whatever you're doing!

Lorna
xxx

Todays post is going to be an advice post for starting/going back to university when you have an eating disorder. A lot of advice comes from my own experiences as I have just graduated this summer. Also some of the advice might be helpful for those dealing with other mental health issues as some times different mental health disorders can effect others for example my anxiety can lead me into eating disorder behaviours. University should be some of the best years of your life but can be hard if you feel like you're battling your mental health alone so here are a few tips…

1. If you are moving away from home find out where the local Gp is in your universities area and register to them just in case you need their service whilst you're there.

2. Something that goes along with the first step is to find out if your uni offers a health and well being centre as this is something that my university had. It meant that you could go to speak to a therapist if you needed their support. I personally didn't go there as I travelled home for appointments but it helped knowing that they were there if I needed them.

3. Find out who the disability advisor is at your uni because they can help you by letting you know how you can get help and where you can go to get this help.

4. When you are assigned a personal tutor it could help to open up to them about what you are dealing with as this way if for any reason you feel like the course work is getting on top of you, you can speak to your tutor and work out a plan together.

5. Try not to isolate yourself. Get out and make friends. Join social clubs. Make the most of it because those three years won't last forever. Also when you get out and make friends you'll find people you trust enough to open up to and they will be there to support you on your bad days. I was lucky enough to share a flat with people who became my best friends and supported me through everything.

6. Stay in touch with those who support you back at home. Be honest with them and let them know how you're feeling, this way it helps you and also them as they will most likely be worrying about how you're coping. Pick somebody that you trust and that supports you so that you can call them on days when you're not feeling your best.

7. Try your best to stay on top of the work you are given as if you space it out well it shouldn't stress you out as much and would be better for you to avoid your eating disorder behaviours.

Do the work, have fun and build life long friendships with people you wouldn't normally meet because when your graduation day comes and you get to spend it with the friends you've made along the way and get to see your family proud of you it makes you feel very accomplished and proud of yourself for being able to work through everything.

If any of you have more advice feel free to write a comment below :)

Also good luck to my brother who's just moved to university today! Hope you love it as much as I did!

Todays post is going to be one that I hadn't planned on writing however I keep seeing this picture being shared by numerous teenage girls and women on various social media websites that I use and when I saw it, it really got me thinking. Now lets start off by showing you the actual photo I am discussing.


Most of the people I have seen share this have posted it along with some form of laughing emoji or text along the lines of "So True." I would just like to point out that I am not trying to say people shouldn't find this funny. Im sure a lot of people will find it humorous and in my opinion thats fine. This post in no means insulted me it just really made me think.
Most people might just see this post and laugh as they remember a time when they were a naive teen who thought they looked a lot bigger than they were. However for me, I had a different reaction. I really started to think about when I first started analysing my body and for me, as well as many others I'm sure, was an age when I should have been more concerned about what time my mum was going to let me play out with my friends till or if I had earned enough gold stars to get an extra five minutes on the playground.
When did it become okay for children to feel fat or feel a pressure to be something that they're not. I remember lining up on the playground at primary school and comparing myself to other girls. I remember being at the swimming baths and being too afraid to jump in the pool in case I made a splash. I remember eating dinner with my friends and comparing what I was eating to the food they had in front of them and this is all before I even made it to high school.

I remember the first day I thought I was fat. I was in year two. In the UK where I live year two would be the class you was in from around the age of 6/7. I was stood on the hopscotch and an older boy came over to me and said "that jumper makes you look fat." From that moment on I was made aware of the negative connotations surrounding the word "fat." Its just a word but it is a word that has bothered me from that day. The first time I thought I was fat was at SIX YEARS OLD! Looking back now it makes me so mad because at six years old I was no where near fat. I was always a slim child and the fact that I couldn't see that is scary. I hate that young girls and boys in todays society are made aware of negative body image from so early on. Feeling fat that young led me into an eating disorder a few years later on and I have struggled for years with it and am only just managing to accept how I am now.


Excuse the quality of the photos but these photos would have been taken around the age I started thinking about being fat and looking back now I can see that I was not "Fat." in the slightest.

I know this post might seem like I have made a big deal over a post that most people wouldn't even look twice at but it just got me thinking which has led me into this rant :'). Due to the content my blog is about if you're reading this I'm sure some of you may relate to me so feel free to leave comments with your opinions.

Lorna
xxx

Okay... So I have been writing on this blog for a while now about quite personal stuff but have never given my real name or shown pictures of myself (You may have seen photos of me if you follow my instagram account). This is because my eating disorder was something that was a secret for around 10 years and even now that those closest to me have been made aware of it for over a year, it still terrifies me to openly say that I have an eating disorder. Which if I'm honest just fits into there being a stigma around mental health. I shouldn't have to feel worried about how people may judge me or treat me differently because of it. I know when I have finished writing this post I will be scared to post it but it needs to be done.
If I want to be able to help people talk openly about their own struggles then I should practice what I'm preaching.

So here is a little bit about me so that you can get to know the person behind this blog.

1. What is your name? Lorna

2. Zodiac sign? I am a capricorn, born in early January.

3. 3 fears? Death of people I love (start off with the worse) , heights and drowning!

4. Last song listened to? Cruel- Snakehips and Zayn Malik

5. Reason for making a blog? Theres a few reasons I made this blog. I started it when I was going through some therapy and wanted to use it as a tool to look back on and to see how far I have come in my recovery. I also wanted to make this blog so that others going through similar things to me could read it and it can hopefully help them. I remember trying to find blogs about eating disorders before I started mine and there wasn't very many, so if this blog can manage to help even one person to go and seek help then I've done what I wanted to achieve.

6. How do you feel right now? A bit anxious because I'm going to work in a couple of hours and I am going to be meeting and working with some new staff.

7. Something you really, really want? I really, really want to go and see my university friends and have a night out with them!!

8. My current relationship status? I am single

9. Meaning behind my blog name? This blog is called Biting Back and I named it that because I felt like it was a way of saying I'm fighting back with my recovery and as it is an eating disorder I am trying to recover from I chose to use Biting Back instead and it sounded quite catchy to me.

10. Someone I miss? ALL OF MY UNIVERSITY FRIENDS ( I will stop talking about them soon…maybe)

11. My relationship with my parents? I have the best relationship with my parents! They do everything for me and my brother. They have been so supportive about everything and I have hated having to upset them over my disorder. I love them so much!

12. 3 things that annoy me easily? Homophobic people! I will never understand them. People with no manners, its doesn't take much time to say please or thank you and lastly ignorant people, don't message me first if you're not going to reply to me.

13. My favourite Animal? Lions especially when they are little cubs.

14. Future goals? Short term goals would be to learn to drive and buy a car but further into the future I would love to be on a writing team for television dramas or working on films and travelling the world.

15. Favourite Food? Chips!

16. Favourite drink? Definitely has to be Tango ice blasts! The pink and blue one!!

17. What did I do yesterday? I stayed at home and continued to work on my show reel and uploaded some of my short films on youtube

18. What GCSE's did you do? At my school we had to take science, english, maths, citizenship and religious education but the subjects I chose to do were It, french, spanish and history.

20. What university degree did you do? I did Film and Television production


And lastly upload a picture of yourself (I'm in the middle). Now thats done in my future posts I will actually be able to upload pictures. Hope you're all having a lovely day.

Today I thought I would do a post about my experience with group therapy. When reading this post do keep in mind that this is my opinion and how I personally found it, not everybody will find the group therapy sessions similar to how I did.

I first got offered the therapy sessions after I had an evaluation with a therapist. At the evaluation we discussed my thoughts around food, my thoughts about myself, my eating disorder habits and from there I was offered group therapy as a starting point. Now I'm not going to lie, I really didn't want to have group therapy. I was scared of being the biggest one there and thought that the other patients may judge me because of it. As I was waiting for the group therapy date to be given out (Group therapy at my hospital doesn't run as often as I think it should.) I was tormenting myself about how the others wouldn't believe I had a disorder because I might not have been as skinny as them, so around this time I did start to lose weight again but honestly I was wrong to worry and wrong to rely on old habits as it was not how I was expecting it at all.

Turning up to the hospital I was shaking with anxiety expecting to walk into a room with lots of girls around my age, all quiet and staring at me. However I walked into a room of girls and women from all ages, all sizes and all walks of life. Although we all had something in common. An Eating disorder and a story.
Im not going to go into details about the other members of my group therapy as that wouldn't be fair and I have to respect their anonymity but their was different types of eating disorders that we were their to talk about not just anorexia and bulimia.
The sessions lasted an hour, once every week for 6 weeks. However I did miss one of those sessions as I was moving back to university for my last year.
 The first few sessions I didn't speak at all. I just sat and listened to other peoples stories who felt more comfortable vocalising what they had been through and it was strange to hear other people describe the same kind of feelings that I was having as I had felt alone for all the years I had kept quiet about it. We had two women who held our sessions one a therapist and one a dietician as we were taught about dietics to help in our recovery and told about balancing our diets and details about what food groups we needed to survive and how we were damaging our bodies by using learnt behaviours and then for the therapy side of it we discussed our stories, discussed the media and its perceptions of the female body (it was only women in my particular class), we did a lot about eating disorder cycles, what we felt were the benefits and cons of having an eating disorder and how the negatives out weighed the benefits.

The first few sessions took a lot of getting used to and I didn't really feel like I was learning anything because I felt like they were stating the obvious and stuff I already knew about. I remember coming out of them frustrated for the first couple of sessions because I felt like they just didn't understand that just by showing us the negatives of our eating disorders it was going to make us just switch it off and I actually walked out of the room crying during one of the first sessions but after I allowed myself to start opening up to the idea of recovery and committing to the activities they were asking us to do I started to see that I had actually learnt a lot. We were set home work tasks to complete and bring in the following week. One piece was to write a letter to a friend 5 years into recovery and how your life would be different to how it is now and also to write to the same friend as if you was still living with your disorder in 5 years time, this was to show us that we could understand that the life with recovery would be much better than the one still living with our disorder. The second piece of homework was to write a letter to your disorder, this was probably to worst one for me because it does make you quite emotional when you start to think of things you've lost because of it. This particular work was so that we could see the disorder as an object rather than who we are because if we could unlink the connection it might be easier for us to process our recoveries and living as ourselves without the disorder. The homework I hated the most was the food diary and I refused to do it because I have done it before and personally for me they don't help me as they make me paranoid seeing things wrote down, but I do see how they could help other people as they can show you the habits of your eating and how it affects you enough to fall into the eating disorder.

I did find group therapy helpful but I don't feel like the biggest lessons I learnt was from the therapists and what they were teaching us. The most helpful thing came from actually listening to the older women's stories as it made me scared that one day I could be in my forties sat still trying to recover with my eating disorder taking over every aspect of my life and I really don't want that to happen.

I would recommend group therapy to anyone who is offered it because most of the time with an eating disorder you feel like you have nothing to lose so it is worth giving it a try and if it doesn't work for you then you can look at other therapies that you may find more helpful but at least you will know you tried it out. Also I was thinking of posting some of the homework I did whilst in group therapy so keep an eye out for that.

Today I have decided to follow up from the other misconceptions posts I have previously posted and this week I will be discussing some misconceptions of depression. Due to some of these misconceptions people who suffer from depression can sometimes feel ashamed to seek help so it is important that we educate ourselves on mental illnesses so that we can remove the stigma surrounding them and the people living with them.

Misconception number 1- "Anti depressants always cure depression."
Anti depressants can help people in recovery however its not just as simple as taking a pill and magically feeling better. Anti depressants can take a while to build up in your system before they start to work. Some people can also find therapy a better help for their depression as they get to express their feelings and learn new techniques to help them throughout their life.

Misconception number 2-  "The sufferer must have gone through trauma."
Often people with depression have gone through a traumatic event in their life which could have triggered their depression, however trauma is not the only thing that leads to depression. Different things affect different people.

Misconception number 3- " Depressions an emotion not an illness."
A lot of people seem to see depression as just another term to express sadness. This is not true. A lot of the time people with depression will lose enthusiasm for things they used to love doing, they'll withdraw from activities and can often feel worthless. They're is so many more symptoms to depression than just feeling sad.

Misconception number 4-  " You can't be depressed if you don't self harm."
Some people don't feel like they can be diagnosed if they don't have an impulse to self harm. This is absolutely incorrect! If you are questioning if you have depression regardless of if you have self harmed or not it is important you talk to your doctor about your symptoms.

Misconception number 5- "Only women get depressed."
Yes women are more likely to be diagnosed with depression, but that doesn't mean men don't suffer too. Women are seen to be more emotional than men and men are often told to "man up." which is ridiculous and because of this they may feel more ashamed to speak up about it and they avoid treatment.

Misconception number 6- "Depression only affects adults."
Some studies have shown that it is more likely you can get depression as an adult, although these days with children and teenagers having access to the internet it is easy to compare themselves to those they see online and can therefore lead to feelings of loneliness and depression. Bullying is a huge cause of depression too and bullying happens in most schools (unfortunately). So depression is affecting more and more young people.

Misconception number 7- "It is something to be ashamed of."
Because of the stigma attached to mental illness it isn't talked about enough. Depression is not something to feel ashamed about. Its an illness. It needs to be discussed so that it can save lives of people suffering in silence. Please don't feel like you have to keep it quiet due to what other people may have to say about it. You deserve to seek help for recovery.

Misconception number 8- "Depression is hereditary."
If your parents have had depression then it can increase the likelihood (only by a little) that you could also be diagnosed with depression. A lot of people can confuse this as if you have seen the symptoms in somebody close to you and then see them in yourself you are probably more likely to go to a doctor and be diagnosed than somebody who doesn't understand their symptoms.

Following up from the post I did about misconceptions of bulimia, I have decided to do the misconceptions of social anxiety as this is something I have experienced for a few years and there are a lot of misconceptions that can go along with it.

Social anxiety is just shyness
False. Social anxiety can cause fear surrounding everyday activities even if its just speaking over the phone (this is one of the things that I hate having to do). Shyness is more of a trait of someones personality and shy people tend to be able to cope with situations that somebody with social anxiety would have difficulty doing.

People with social anxiety are just rude
This is NOT the case. People who have social anxiety can feel uncomfortable and anxious in social situations so may become withdrawn and not give eye contact when socialising. This doesn't mean that they are being rude though. Most of the time people with social anxiety want to be able to socialise with their friends but fear they may become embarrassed easily.

Social anxiety disorder isn't common
Most people will have some sort of experience with social anxiety in some part of their life. Which could be anything from feeling nervous about an upcoming event to having panic attacks when dealing with social situations.

You are born with social anxiety
Again this is incorrect. People presume because it is a disorder that you must be born with it to have social anxiety. For a lot of people social anxiety can develop because of a certain situation they have had to deal with and social anxiety can develop at any time or age. Don't presume that because someone seemed fine at an earlier time, they must not have social anxiety now.

It is untreatable
This is not the case. Sufferers can get help through using the methods such as, taking medication or having cognitive behavioural therapy. If you feel like you need help please contact your GP

I have decided to do a series of blog posts called Misconceptions to show some of the myths people associate some mental illnesses with. I will be starting with Bulimia.

Vanity
Some people tend to believe that people suffering from eating disorders are doing it for their image and for vanity purposes when the truth is that these eating disorders are life threatening illnesses. Vanity is described as being an excessive pride in or admiration of one's own appearance or achievements, which is the opposite of what sufferers of eating disorders feel. Although worrying about weight is normally a big part of bulimia, this is not always the case. Bulimia can come from underlying issues such as anxiety and depression which can develop the disorder further.

Easy to spot
People tend to think that if someone is suffering from an eating disorder they have a skeletal body frame, however the truth is that people who have eating disorders can come in all different shapes and sizes. Sufferers of bulimia are mostly not overweight or underweight, but their weight will usually fluctuate a lot. Also the disorder isn't always easy to spot as for most sufferes hiding the disorder is one of the most important things to them.

Only effects females
It is true that eating disorders affect more females than males however many males do suffer from them and this shouldn't be forgotten. Eating disorders are not bias they do not attach to someone based on their race, gender etc, they can affect anyone

Its a choice
People mistakenly believe that an eating disorder is a choice of lifestyle. As someone who has suffered from bulimia I can personally say this disorder is definitely not a choice. I think this is one of the conceptions that makes me the most irritated because I have had to deal with so much and if it was a "choice." this is most certainly not the lifestyle I would choose.

Always about vomiting
A common misconception is that to be bulimic you must binge and vomit. This is not true. Bulimia can come under other binge & purge patterns such as over exercising, taking laxatives and phases of fasting.

Side effects of bulimia are not long term
Some people think that once somebody has recovered from bulimia that everything is better and the person goes back to being healthy which isn't always the case. Some long term side effects of the illness can be more than just changing your appearance as the disorder can have a long term affect on your health. Long term effects of bulimia can include Lazy Bowel syndrome meaning the bulimic person finds it hard to digest food due to the binge, purge cycle they may have been stuck in. Bulimia has a long term effect on your teeth as the acid from vomit breaks down the enamel on your teeth making them weaker. Bulimia can cause infertility as your periods can become irregular or stop all together. Bulimia can actually cause cancer. Due to the purging it can cause a cancer called oesophageal adenocarcinoma. The things listed above are not the only long term effects that bulimia can cause there are more, which I may do a separate post on.

Bulimia is not life threatening
All you really need to do is look at the above paragraph to see that this statement is false. Bulimia is life threatening as your heart is not built to be able to go through daily vomiting or laxative use. Bulimia can cause death. The disorder can do serious damage to your heart. Yes that is scary but its true and needs to be made more aware.

I haven't wrote on here in so long mainly due to the stress I have been under with it being my final year of university but thats all finished now and I move back home next weekend. A lot has happened since I last posted so I thought I would write an update.

I finished all of my group therapy classes. These finished quite a while ago but I have been really busy so haven't been able to properly write a post on my experience with it but that will be coming soon along with the rest of the homework we had to do. I am currently doing cbt and the lady who I have it with is lovely. I'm going to wait till I have completed my sessions before I do a proper post on it though.

As said above I FINISHED UNIVERSITY! This year I directed a film which we got a 1st for, which I am very proud of. I also made a television show which I am still waiting to find out the grade and finally I finished my dissertation which was so stressful and I'm glad I don't ever need to write one again!
 The past three years I spent there have been some of the best and worst of my life but I'm going to miss it so much. I have made some of the best friends I could ask for and am going to hate not being able to see them everyday. Im waiting to find out what my overall degree classification is and then I graduate at the end of July. I now have to look for a job but the jobs I want are too far away from home so the next thing I need to do is learn how to drive.

Towards the end of last year I ended up having to leave class as I was having really bad heart palpitations so my friend took me to the hospital and I had tests done, a few of my ecg tests have been coming back with abnormalities which has scared me into realising I need to help myself to get better so since the start of this year I have been doing really well with my recovery. Obviously there are bound to be a few moments where things aren't great but I'm doing so much better than I was. I think I could struggle over the next couple of months as I'm planning on going on holiday and I am terrified of swim wear but I just need to remind myself how far I have come.

Now university is finished and I'm moving back home I will have more time to put into blogging so expect more posts!