Don't even know where to start with this but buckle yourself in and get ready for a rant…

As some of you may know from my other bog posts I have been unemployed for almost a year (I have done unpaid work during this time.) I left my last place of work due to the fact I was still in therapy for my eating disorder and my therapist said she didn't think that the job was helping me with my recovery and was making my mental health issues worse because I wasn't able to stick to meal plans and it also made my anxiety worse which in turn made my eating disorder step up again. She said it was in my best interest to quit and I 100% agree even now because during this time I haven't worked my mental health has improved unbelievably. I have been looking for work the whole time I've been unemployed but seeking work in the industry Ive always wanted to work in and have studied to work in but this hasn't worked out at all (if you read this blog often you'll probably already know this as I've discussed it many times before). It makes me upset that I studied for this many years, whilst dealing with mental health issues, spending thousands of pounds on my education to then come out of it with too many rejections to count.

During this year out of work, I have realised how judgemental people are about those that are out of work. For some reason people (even people who aren't close to me)  think because I don't work its acceptable for them to ask me where my money is coming from, and how I can afford things when I don't have a job. When I have had jobs, I have put majority of my wages into a savings account due to that I have managed to cope with out a job for most of this year. Recently I have had support from my parents who do everything they can for me and my brother. I sell clothes on apps and I do surveys to earn points to convert to money. I don't really know why I feel like I have to justify where I get my money from because you don't see me asking others "How are you always skint if you've got a full time job?" and do you know why I don't ask? Because its none of my damn business!!

People seem to think all I've done in the past year is sleep till 3pm and watch youtube videos for the rest of the day and yeah I'm not going to lie I have done that at times when I have felt really down but I have also done a lot of writing from my scripts that I send off to competitions, I have wrote posts for this blog and posts for other mental health websites, both of which involve quite a lot of research at times. I have been trying to build my own business and looked into business courses, Ive applied to more jobs than I can count, Ive dealt with my mental health issues every single day, Ive changed my cv every other week because I've been confused as to what I'm doing wrong.

Literally every day of my life I worry about what people are saying about me because I haven't got a job. I hate going to events because one of the first things you get asked is "where are you working now?" and it makes me feel like shit and like I have to justify my reason for being unemployed.. I don't get any benefit money and never have (not that there is anything wrong with receiving benefits).

I just wish people wouldn't be so quick to judge because one day it could be them in the same position as me!

Sorry for the rant but I just needed to get it off my mind, if any of you have similar experiences feel free to comment on here.

                                                                                Lorna
                                                                                  xxx